February 16, 2007

So this past Saturday, Pierre and I had the chance to watch Kyla (4) and Nia (3), our nieces, all by ourselves in the evening! And let us just say.....we had a blast. It is amazing what kids can teach you, especially when you are not expecting it!

During the day - Jevon, Steph and the kids came with us to look at a potential rental for us to live in. Afterwards, we were driving to stop at Lowe's. Kyla knew all the roads and where her favorite store was - Target! If you see how the streets are out here, you would understand the complicated-ness of how to get to places. In some neck of the woods (literally), it's just pitch black with trees as you drive down the roads. I told Steph that I would want Kyla with me as my "navi" since the one in my car doesn't always pick up the roads out here.

So when it came to supper time, we had the 2 girls. We strapped them into the car and started to drive to Panera's. And this was the conversation in the car:

Me: Pierre, do you know how to get there?

Pierre: No, do you have an address?

Me: No, but I think we can figure it out.

After driving about 600 feet -

Me: Maybe we should ask Kyla

Pierre (looking at me strangely): huh?

Me: Trust me, she is GOOD with directions. I experienced it today.

Me: Kyla, do you know how to get to Panera's?

Kyla (with her little voice): Yes!

Me: Are we going the right way?

Kyla: Um...no, you have to go "this way" (pointing to the left with her thumb, shaking it back and forth).

Pierre: Are you sure?

Kyla: Ya, ah hah.

Me: Ok, now which way?

Kyla: You have to go a little bit and then you go "this way" (again, doing her pointing thing).

Pierre looks at me: I cannot believe we are relying on a 4-year-old.

She directed us all the way, through the back roads (which is super dark) to the plaza where Panera's was. Once we got close to it, she said -

Kyla: Ok, you go this way and Panera's is on the other side.

It was seriously amazing. Did I mention it was PITCH BLACK outside! And she was in the back seat and didn't even need to see through the front window....she directed us all by looking out her side window. Needless to say, we had a blast at Panera's and afterwards, Kyla directed us all the way home (this time in a different way - through the main streets).

God's wonders are definitely in children. He never ceases to amaze me in how He uses even the youngest of them to help others.

Growing up, nothing has been harder than waiting for me. Waiting to go on a road trip to Disneyland with my parents. Waiting for my first big test to be graded. Waiting for college acceptance letters. Waiting for a job interview. Waiting for that call back after a job interview. Waiting for the day of our wedding. Waiting to make a speech in front of many. Waiting in the doctor's office for an exam. Waiting for those tests results.  Waiting for answers. Waiting to go eat!

There are so many emotions tied to waiting - stress, anxiety, excitement. The "not knowing" part of waiting can drive me nuts! I like everything planned out and I like to know exactly what's going to happen, when it's going to happen. Who doesn't?  And yet, knowing everything takes the thrill out of life. Moreso, it takes away trust and faith in the Lord.

Lately, I feel as though Pierre and I are just waiting. After much prayer and seeing doors open and close - We are STILL waiting for a buyer for this house, we are STILL waiting for a place to live in RI, and we are STILL waiting for Pierre's work. We've done all we can and all we can do now is wait. I've learned that during this waiting time, God is not trying to torture me. Although sometimes it may seem that way.  Rather, God wants me to continue praying and relying my all on Him.

As Pierre and I wait, we've had moments of "is this really God's plan for us?" Everytime this type of question pops in our heads, there is always a confirmation of YES. But yet, we can't understand it because in our  earthly eyes, the plans are not finalized yet. Pierre and I have continued to pray and look to the Lord and all we both feel is a mysterious sense of peace that can only come from God. God knows that my nature would be to freak out at this time because the move date is getting closer and we still do not have answers. But I am so not there. I do have this peace and it's so strange to explain, but it is there.

So.....here we are.....waiting......as we know that God's perfect plan cannot ever be rushed. God is good. God is smart - the smartest guy I know! God KNOWS me! And He is writing the story of my life.

"But those who hope in the Lord will renew their strength. They will soar on wings like eagles; they will run and not grow weary, they will walk and not be faint." Isaiah 40:31

Our hope was that we would've been able to share the news of our move and why we are moving with everyone personally. Over the past few weeks, the news of our move just started spreading and it's so hard to really explain our reasons in a one-minute schpeal in the hallway on a Sunday morning or running into someone at the store. As more and more people have started to ask "why?", I thought blogging it would be a good start to sharing our journey....

Two years ago (Dec '05), Pierre and I traveled to Rhode Island to celebrate his dad's 60th birthday. His parents live in Hawaii, but still have many close friends in RI (where Pierre was actually born). It was during that time that my father-in-law talked to his boys about a real estate investment project that he is working on in RI. This is what started the wheels turning in Pierre's head.

When we got back from that trip, Pierre kept talking about the idea of moving out to RI. His numbers at work looked good and his eligibility to work from home (home could be anywhere in the U.S.) was promising. He felt constrained here in Orange County with a mortgage that wouldn't allow us to have much extra to invest in other areas of our lives (and other peoples' lives). If we were to move, he would also potentially be able to help with his dad's investment project.

Every time he would talk about RI, I would say "No, I don't want to move". Pierre has always been a patient person and has always respected my slight resistance to change.  So he just let it be and would talk about it sporadically, but not all the time.

In Spring of 2006, I was sharing with a close friend of mine that I felt like Pierre and I were on different pages. Our marriage was fine, but at that time, Pierre wasn't serving anywhere in church and I felt like the passion inside him was lost. I also felt like I was the one being the "leader" in our family. I wanted him to get back into serving so that he can get passionate for the Lord again. At that time, I felt like I needed to be led. So I began to pray that God would change him. (Well, you all know how that goes, right? )

So life went on as I kept praying that prayer. Pierre would still bring up moving (even sometimes saying that it could be wherever....maybe not even RI). I kept saying "no".....but kept praying that God would change him to be more of a leader in our family.

In the Winter of 2006, we went to RI again. At this point, my brother-in-law, his wife and kids had moved from Chicago to RI. They had been there for about 5 months and we went there to celebrate New Year's with them and to see how they were doing. Pierre even suggested that we drive around the different neighborhoods to see if any houses are for sale. I just rolled my eyes and entertained his idea to explore.

When we got back from RI, Pierre was talking about it again. This time, he said that he didn't sense that Orange County was the place that God wanted us to settle during this time in our lives. At that point, I said "Pierre, if you feel that God is leading you in this and this is the best decision for us, then I support you." I think his mouth dropped a little (and in my mind I was like "what in the world just came out of my mouth???"). I think he even thought I was joking.

After realizing that I was serious, he started to develop a plan and calculate what it would cost to stay and what it would cost to move. He layed out many different scenarios and thought through them. I saw the fire in his eyes and a passion in his heart when he talked about moving. We began to pray more about it together and I felt a renewed spirit in Pierre....something I hadn't seen in a long time.

As I sat an reflected one morning, I said to God "God, isn't it funny that I was praying that you would change Pierre. But it was me who had to change to allow him to be the leader in our family?".....and I literally heard God say to me "Duh Cory, I've been trying to use him this whole time. It was you who was in my way." I was blown away and realized that for me, it was moreso trusting in God and trusting that HE is using Pierre.....and not so much just trusting in Pierre to lead this family.

For about the next 6 months, we kept praying for God's direction and guidance. There have been many different doors that have opened, interesting events that pointed us to move, sermons that spoke to Pierre about "going".....instances where we couldn't ignore the fact that God was speaking to us.

So here we are now. Some days, we are for certain this is where God is leading us. Other days, we do have doubts, especially when others tell us this isn't a good idea. But that's where our faith and courage comes in. If we don't even try, then how will we ever know, right? And it is during these times in our lives where all we can really do is rely on God.

There's definitely more to the story as we have journeyed thus far. In the past few weeks, Pierre has even said that he feels that RI is just a stopping point and that God is preparing us for something else. That statement makes me . (Those of you who don't know, CHANGE is hard for me.....but I think I've been doing better at it.)

One part of our lives that made this decision extremely hard and sad is NewSong and our genuine community here. We love NewSong and its heart for the least, last, and lost in a third culture world. I LOVE where I work and the team of people I work with. Most of all, we love our OHANA and cannot imagine what our lives would've been like over the past 5 years without them.

If you would be praying with us through this transition and next phase in our lives, we would be truly grateful. We are still looking for a home in RI. Our house here just went up on the market: www.6proclamationway.com. We are still waiting for the OK for Pierre's job (they had a meeting about it on Tues, but no news yet). We have started the process of planning the actual move itself. Someone new will be transitioning into my role at Noah's Place. With all that going on, we would still love to spend quality time with all our loved ones before we go.

Life is crazy isn't it? Over 5 years ago, I never thought I would be working at a church and being CA-grown, I definitely never thought we would be uprooting and making a move all the way to the other side of country!  God is funny that way!